Come to Carousel Déjà Vu if you dare. Jackson Nighttraveller just might see a need for you to travel back in time. Reach for the brass ring, grasp it . . . and hold on for the ride of your life.

Click here to view the embedded video.

We can miss wonderful moments that take our breath away—holding hands, a passionate kiss or gazing together at a starry sky. It’s those moments that are the essence of life. Goals and dreams are wonderful as long as you remember to always take time to stop and smell the roses along the way.

I received a gift a few years ago that literally changed my life. It was a small gift, a book that many would have just tossed aside and never read. I’m so thankful I took the time to read through the pages and discover its powerful portal to happiness. The video I have on my blog today, The Dash by Linda Ellis, was the inspiration for my small gift.

This simple poem touched my heart because it reminded me that no one knows how long they have on this earth—that love, laughter and the special moments of our lives are the greatest gifts that life has to offer. In the blink of an eye we’ll all be years older—and in those golden years of life, no one ever wishes they had worked longer hours or owned more toys. They think of love and laughter—they long for more of their precious moments.

It’s easy to get so wrapped up in the pace of our lives—in our endless to-do lists and goals to build empires, that we lose track of what is really important. It’s not what we accomplish, how much we own or what we do—it’s who we are, how much we love and how we touch the lives of others that truly makes a difference in our own lives.

I hope you remember the essence of life the next time you dash from one appointment to the next and slow down just a little—think of a different DASH—and schedule in some time to smell the roses along the way.

Casi

Source: simpletruths.com

A glimpse from our new home

Well, yesterday I clicked on a status on Jace’s Facebook page and it brought me to his blog. I’d never read his posts before, and I smiled when I saw how articulate my young son had become. As I scanned the front page, one entry tugged at my heart and I have to share it with you all. Unbeknownst to me, my son really was listening to Mom, and his mother’s passion has become his own. Here is Jace’s blog post:

So, I am currently 35,000 ft in the air on the way back to “Hotlanta” after my second trip to California in a one month time period. As many of you may know, it was decided a few months ago that this is where my future lies . . . what some of you may not know is exactly why . . . I’m going to start out by saying that being out here gives me a sense of freedom that Atlanta never has. 

After searching many possible spots to live out here, my co-pilot/business partner, Jonathan, and I stumbled across a beautiful island right outside of Oakland and San Francisco called Alameda. This is our new home.

Alameda is an eclectic little town with everything one could ever need––all within a few blocks. From classic record stores and music shops, to hole in the wall bars and quaint local restaurants . . . You can still get a Big Mac, and God willing, a McRib (if the timing is right) if you so desire . . . Thankfully, the work we do has given us the opportunity, and the freedom, to pretty much live wherever we want… and, with that, we figured… we might as well live somewhere we love . . . somewhere that hasn’t exhausted our souls… and that, my friends, is California.

This week has been a real eye opener for me . . . we all know that happiness is a choice . . . but the decision can be somewhat difficult to make. With the constant hurdles and obstacles that stand in our way from day to day, it’s easy to want to roll over and accept the crap that we are handed . . . I’ve learned you truly can rise above to do, and be, who and whatever you want in life. A dear friend of mine, Kate Gervais, is such a great testimony to this . . . her positive attitude and amazing ambition has re-instilled this concept in me . . . I could list a million reasons as to how and why . . . but that’s another blog in itself.

My point is that there are so many things in life worth chasing . . . worth going after . . . and it’s up to you, reader, whether or not you succeed at obtaining your goals. Work ethic is important; however, “work” doesn’t have do drain your soul . . . it’s all in how you perceive what you do… If you are unhappy in a certain situation, change it!  And you can say . . . “Well Jace, it’s not that easy . . . there is so much grey in the black and white.” and I’m here to assure you that it is absolutely that easy . . . because I’m doing it myself.

Wow! It gave me chills when I read Jace’s post. So I’m here to show you in vivid color––Don’t ever give up on your children. They ARE listening––even when you’re convinced they aren’t! Jace and his business partner/best friend have been so successful with their production company in Atlanta that they are are moving to Alameda next month to open up another office on the west coast. I’ll miss him sooo much, but I know he is living his dreams; and that makes me so excited and happy for him! Love you, Jace!!

Live your dreams, my friends––if not for yourself, to set an example for your children. If they’re convinced that it’s possible, they’ll take a chance and with you on their side, they can live their own dreams!

Casi

Before I proceed, a caveat to my women readers: Jake’s article is a glimpse into the male mind and is typical of the way some men think. This article should be a wake-up call, so be aware that sometimes romance can have an agenda. And to my men readers, there is a flip-side to that coin too, more than enough for a whole new blog. But today I’ll focus on Jake and my open letter to him.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Dear Jake,

The symptoms you have are classic patterns, so don’t feel like your affliction is rare. In fact chemistry addiction seems to thrive in epidemic proportions throughout the country and it infects females as well as males. We live in a ‘visual’ and ‘disposable’ society––one that advocatesstriving for the best. While the latter may be an admirable attribute in the career arena, it can spill over into everyday life and may generate addictive and toxic patterns––an insatiable appetite for the ‘new and exciting.’

Some people obsess over the newest tech devices, trendy clothes, or new model cars. Toxic patterns can be as addictive as gambling, alcohol or drugs, so does it seem far-fetched to be addicted to the chemistry ‘high’ you feel in a new relationship? The problem is when that insatiable desire affects connections it involves someone else’s life too. Think about that . . . Put it this way, how would you feel if someone treated your sister or daughter like you are treating the women you date?

Actually, the real issue is not finding someone, it’s about being someone. You are treating women like a commodity*––disposable objects to satisfy your needs. J is right, love should not be all about you! If you truly want to break your patterns, like Nike says, “Just do it!” It’s an inside job. Consider this: Are you who the person you are looking for––is looking for?* Your direction is heading down a treacherous path and it doesn’t take a crystal ball to see your future, but the secret to finding your soulmate is not as elusive as you envision.

You may be enjoying the ride right now, but jerks and players rarely have real happy endings. You can rationalize, justify, and even convince yourself, but regardless of your reasoning, you’re just making up excuses. If you truly want the real thing with the right girl, do you think you will you ever even recognize her with your modus operandi? When she shows an imperfection or ‘failings’ as you put it, you’ll just cut her loose and move on to the next target. It seems like when you see ‘real’ you bail. Perfection doesn’t exist! If you want real, then get real! And if sex continually gets routine . . . wow, the common denominator in that equation is ‘you.’ Perhaps your skewed perspective perceives sex as a commodity too––a decadent dessert eaten again and again loses it’s allure.

No one can have one foot in a relationship while the other one is still firmly planted outside of it, holding out for better options. You set yourself up for failure. A half-in relationship never works because when you look, you will always find someone that sparks your interest––your search will be endless. Every new option provides a distraction that keeps you from a real and honest commitment. Regardless of what may have trapped you in your endless cycle––whether it’s your own fears, insecurities, or past failed relationships––like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, your life is permanently stuck repeating the same patterns over and over. However, there is a way out.

Just get off the merry-go-round! The answers are within you and will be revealed when you choose to look internally instead of building impossible standards and explicit parameters around your desired mate. Stop making excuses. Break your cycle, slow down and take the time to internalize more clearly exactly where your direction will lead you.

The truth is, you have the exact life you want. Maybe not the one you desire, but you make choices everyday that create your life. If you don’t like the direction your choices are taking you, then chart a new course. You’ll never get to Florida by following a map to New York. When your choices steer you in the right direction, you will alter your destiny. And here’s a hint, you might try investing in someone instead of looking for your next best fix. Just bear in mind that it is enjoying the journey, not reaching the destination that truly enriches your life.

Here’s to forging the path to your desired destiny,

Casi

Source: MSN , Glamour Wingless Butterfly. * Andy Stanley’s Love Sex & Dating

Click here to view the embedded video.

This video discusses commitment-phobs, male and female, and some views about the issue. While it’s interesting, I have a unique spin on the topic. Today I’ll share Jake’s article and I’d love to hear your comments as well. Tomorrow I’ll post my views and hopefully add a few of yours as well. Here’s Jake’s dilemma:

Glamour’s male dating columnist resolves to bust his breakup pattern. Can he do it? The journey starts here. 

Why Can’t He Commit?

She left my house at 11:30 A.M. I had some work to do. She had to meet friends. Clean her apartment. Errands. It really didn’t matter. J. and I had developed a routine over the past few months: dinner, drinks, fun, sex, sleep. She knew exactly how to touch my back. I knew how hard to bite her lip when we kissed. She knew her way around the apartment. And she knew how to exit.

As she walked down the hall, I held the door open just a crack so my dog, Piano, couldn’t run after her and called to her: “Let’s hang out this week. If you want.” Normally I would hear “Sure, call me!” But this time she stopped, turned around and smirked.”It’s not really about what I want,” she said. “It’s always about what you want. And admit it, you have no idea what that is.” Then she spun around and was gone.

Ouch. Over the next few weeks, J.’s words tugged at me like a pulled hamstring. Every romantic step I tried to take was met with the vague ache of her critique. Worst part? I’d been here before, many times. Loath as I am to admit it, this is my M.O.: I meet a woman and I crush hard; I pursue her with dinners and all-night parties that start and end at my apartment (for the record, Piano is the best wingman ever). We hang out with each other’s friends, spend weekends away, meet family members. Right around then I find cracks in the facade of “us,” and I leave. Why? Let me break it down:

I’ve got need-for-newness issues.

My name is Jake and I’m a date-oholic — I love the new. The most exciting moment for me in a relationship is the first time I see a woman in her underwear. Magic. If you think I’m a jerk, believe me, I do too. I know very well that committed love is better than an uncommitted romp, but I can’t seem to put that into action. Instead, I half try to meet The One, but the sex gets routine, and tiny sacrifices start to feel like big messages from the universe that this woman is not right for me. Who wants to learn to be OK with a partner’s failings when it means missing out on Someone Else, who has everything the person across the table does but is 35 percent funnier, knows magic tricks and likes pesto as much as I do? Because I love pesto. Sometimes I eat it for breakfast. Secretly, I’m holding out for the woman who does too, and I’m always sure the next one might be her.

I’ve got a few dad issues.

Then there’s the fear of not measuring up. My father was a giant: By the time he was my age, he was married, had two kids, had set up his law practice, had bought a home. Could I support a family, financially and emotionally? Am I a good-enough guy to be a — gulp — role model?

The thing is, deep down inside, I know I am. I have the genes, for starters. I could step up to the plate and knock it home for the right person, for my right person. Besides, I’m not loving watching my friends get it right and wind up happier than I’ve ever seen them. And I don’t want to be the third wheel at dinners in perpetuity, the person hearing incredulity in the hostess’s voice as she says, “There are three of you?” Yes, ma’am, and my friends will be leaving before dessert to go home to relieve the babysitter, and kiss their two gorgeous, adoring children good night, so I’ll thank you to adjust your tone. Also, what are you doing later?

So this is my vow to you, readers: I want to find my true partner in crime. I can see my pattern, and I know that in order to find The One, I’ve got to break it. No more J.s (who realized before I did that she was better off without me). I will fight the urge to duck away when I find something good, something real. It will be a process, and I hope there’s a woman out there who can tolerate my learning curve. Because — please take note — behind all my baggage is a good guy who desperately wants the real thing with the right girl. Now I just have to find her.

Okay gang, so what do you think? I’ve already got my reply ready to post tomorrow, but I can’t wait for your comments!

Casi

Source: MSN , Glamour

Join the Forum discussion on this post

• You have to be very specific in identifying the physical attributes you want in a partner ie: age,height, weight, hair color, physical build, or any other important physical characteristics that are important to you. Chemistry is everything.
• Because men are so visual in nature, they should seek females who are 5-10 years younger than themselves. So that also means women should date men 5-10 years their senior, the exception being once a females reaches 70 years of age.
• The more you can pin down exactly what you’re looking for the more control you have over the design of your mate.
• We need to take better advantage of our circle of friends. We should share with our closest friends what we are looking for, and allow them to duplicate the search effort.
• In any social setting or event, we should have “wingman”, someone who can introduce us to prospects that we may be looking for, or an additional friend that can identify attendees that match the physical description we are looking for.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I almost gaged when I read that. I mean honestly, chemistry is important to any love connection, but it’s not the most important thing. Relationships need more than the visual and lust to survive the inevitable storms and disappointments that can throw boulders in your path. Love based on that initial surge of chemistry may feel amazing, but that high wears off. And think about it––that wave of passion isn’t much different from the adrenalin surge of pure terror. Your brain flashes a neon sign like you hit the jackpot in the love lottery. It’s like gambling, which has it’s perks, but come on, would you really stake your life on a game of chance?

When a relationship evolves out of lust, chances are pretty good that you’ll wake up one morning wondering what you ever saw in the person sleeping next to you. So when you set out looking for someone that merely fits the physical criteria for your perfect mate, you’re looking for the wrong things. First, your treating your potential mate like a commodity. People are so much more than a body––and physical beauty fades. Remember how a fisherman baits his hook––he baits it based on what he’s trying to catch. If you catch someone based on their body or if you ‘fish’ with yours . . . Well let’s just say, as hot as you are now . . . you’ll always be looking over your shoulder for someone hotter to catch his/her eye.

Another section made me cringe too! The very idea of saying that because men are visual in nature, they should seek females 5-10 years younger and therefore women should seek men 5-10 years older, is not only demeaning to women, it’s demeaning to men as well. Most men aren’t that shallow! But hey, we’re all visual––hopefully intelligent enough though to make choices based on more than Neanderthal instincts.

The criteria didn’t end there either. He then gave instructions for the initial meeting––a list of questions to interview potential prospects to determine their pre-dating qualifications:

1. Are you a happy person? (eliminate those with negative answers)

2. Do you like yourself? ( Listen to the response)

3. Describe yourself in one word? (Awesome

4. Are you a good kisser? (watch how people stumble or they may just give you a sample!)

5. Have specific questions ready and be direct – like “can you describe your physical fitness program?”

6. If you settle or compromise your “must haves” you may regret it later.

Now I’m all for having a ‘must have and must have not’ list. It’s important to have things in common like smoking and life style, but if someone I just met interviewed me like that, I’m pretty sure I’d just get up and leave. This ‘expert’ also advocated suggesting that after the 3rd meeting people should ask their date to date them exclusively for the next 30 days at which time the women should definitely ask if the man was he enjoying her company and ask for long term goals and relationship intentions.

What ever happened to the natural flow of getting to know someone? Women, and men for that matter, are not commodities! If you want the real thing, you have to get real! There can be plenty of sparks without a real connection and immediate gratification may just have consequences. So, if you’re looking for more than a booty call, don’t get confused by the rush of chemistry or let lust guide your decisions. After the initial rush has settled down, you’ll be able to determine if you have similar values and lifestyle. Like Percy Sledge said in the video above, ‘Take Time to Know Her’ (or him.) If you’re looking for a lasting relationship, be authentic––not artificial!! Listen to your heart and make choices for your future based on what you learn about someone over time. That’s huge a step toward living your dreams!

Casi

Sources:

North Point Online

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Ahhh, the summer sun, beach trips, picnics at the park … What a wonderful time of year, but summer will always remind me of something more than lazy summer days. It brings to my mind the life of a man who to me was a true hero. I never knew him, but Randy Pausch was, without a doubt, the epitome of an eternal optimist. If you haven’t heard of him, you are certainly missing an amazing inspirational icon! Randy Pausch died July 25, 2008, but his legacy will live on for generations to come. To keep his spirit alive, each summer I like to take a moment to remind my friends of this amazing man.

If you follow my blog, you know my heart and my passion. Too many people go through the motions of  their lives without ever discovering that spark that ignites the spirit. You have the resources to live your dreams, and re-discovering your childhood passion, may be the key to unlocking the door to your own passion. Perception is reality and when you believe in yourself, you can make the choice to live your life to the fullest. That doesn’t mean that every moment will be golden! Life was never meant to be on an even keel and no one can escape the inevitable tragedies and pain that sometimes grip our souls. But living in the adversities or wallowing in those moments sucks you into a smothering quicksand where nothing thrives.

If ever there was a person who could have wallowed in self-pity, it was Randy Pausch, yet despite his diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer, he spent his life inspiring millions of people world wide. The first time I heard his “Last Lecture” I realized my problems were so trivial in the scheme of things––and I think that is how it is with most people. We all have our stories . . . the “stuff” that happens to us is hard to go through, but if you are reading this blog post, you’re ahead of the game––you are ALIVE, and that means you still have a chance to make a difference in your life––and the lives of others! I’m convinced you don’t have to look very far to find  a lot of other people who are worse off than you. So be thankful for all that you do have and reach for the stars.

Please take the time to listen to the words of Randy Pausch. I consider you all friends, and my greatest wish for you is to discover that Life is now. The past is a myriad of old memories and we put so much stock into those memories, we limit our own futures. Hopes and dreams are a glimpse of what could be, but now is where we always are so it is the journey, not the destination that is our lives.

So on this warm August evening, I have to stop for a moment to say, “Thank you Randy . . . you will live in the hearts of the millions you have touched forever!”

Casi

Sources: The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch, Oprah Winfrey Show, July 25,2008, Youtube

\”Healing the Broken Child Within\” (Casi McLean)

Some of the ‘Success Tips’ I mentioned in the interview:
1) You can’t more forward with one foot stuck in the past.
2) Remembering your childhood dreams may help you find your passion.
3) The greatest thing about dreams is they don’t expire. They can lay dormant for years and when you pull them out and dust them off, they shine like new.

4) When you let go of past pain, believe in yourself, and follow your dreams—you can find true happiness!

Jory also requested I share a few of my favorite quotes. As most of you already know, it’s pretty hard for me to narrow down the quotes that have carried me through the turbulent moments of my life and raised me up higher in the best of times. Below are the three quotes I decided to share today. May they work with the conversation between Jory and me to ignite a spark in all of your hearts.
‘When you have come to the edge of all light that you know, and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.’ ~Patrick Overton
‘Whether you believe you can, or whether you believe you can’t, you’re absolutely right.’ ~Henry Ford

‘In everyone’s life, at some point, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.’ ~Albert Schweitzer

Thanks for listening to our show!!

Casi

Source: http://womenfindpurpose.com/healing-the-broken-child-within-casi-mclean/

How many times have we all heard the cliches, “men are all alike” or “Women! I’ll never understand them?” Maybe we do speak different languages, but honestly people, it’s our differences that keep things interesting.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Men (or women for that matter) aren’t all the same and if you have that attitude or experience, then it’s time you look at the common denominator––YOU!
If your relationships continually end the same way, the conclusion you need to come to is not that all men are jerks, it’s that the men YOU date are all jerks. And all women aren’t needy or possessive, it’s the women YOU date that fit that mold. Add your own adjectives, but the point is, you virtually date the same person over and over again. Isn’t that the definition of insanity––to do the same things over and over, but expect different results? No, you’re not really insane, but it’s time to look at your own patterns.

Case in point, I’ve known too many women who want to date only successful, driven men. They continually repeat the same patterns and never understand why they always end up feeling neglected and hurt. They think these men offer security and stability, and in many ways they do. The problem is the women don’t see that these men are so financially secure and have such successful careers because they are driven, and that part of their personality won’t change. If you need to constantly be the center of your man’s attention, don’t get involved with an ambitious, motivated man and run the other way when a workaholic enters your radar.

Another idea to consider is one I actually heard in church, during Andy Stanley’s Love, Sex and Dating series. Have you ever been fishing? A fisherman determines his bait by what he’s trying to catch. Ladies if you fish with your body, you’re going to catch body snatchers! Don’t dress like a commodity to catch a guy’s attention, or you’ll likely be treated like one––like a disposable sponge that’s used and then thrown away. You are so much more than a physical stimulus. When you bait a man with your body, don’t be surprised when he expects you to keep him with it!  Not only that, keep in mind that you may be cute and sexy now, but a few years down the road . . . I’m just sayin!

And gentlemen, I don’t want to forget about you. If you keep dating the same women with disastrous results, what is your criteria and where are you looking? Don’t search for women in all the wrong places, like the song from the old 80′s movie, Urban Cowboy talks about in my video today. Don’t look in a body shop to find your soul mate. You’re not likely to find a health conscious woman at The Hamburger Hut, so what ever your lifestyle is, if you want a compatible partner, look in the right places. Just do the things YOU like to do, like hiking, golf or skiing––whatever your interests are, chances are you’ll run across a lot of women with similar interests and lifestyle.

. . . And then there’s the whole SEX issue, so be sure to watch for the next segment, part 3 in my series, The 5 Top Reasons Relationships Fail.

Casi

Source: Wingless Butterfly by Casi McLean & “The new Rules For Love, Sex, & Dating” by Andy Stanley